Logik
As I reflect on my experiences during the height of the pandemic up until this point in time, three themes come to mind in my reflections: Knowledge, Wisdom and Understanding.
When things are out of my control, I tend to go inward to align myself mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually on what I can control and to figure out what could be my most proactive response to change and challenges. Observation before participation. When everything shut down, my social media feeds were flooded with local and global commentaries on death, conspiracy theories, the stresses of isolation, curfews, packed grocery stores, anxiety and so on. Not to mention, I was born with Asthma, so this deadly sophisticated airborne virus that affects lungs had me extra paranoid. It was a lot to process.
Contracts I had with several school and community centers throughout the city, as I worked with youth and educators through my Stolen from Africa initiatives were put on pause for months to a year, which also meant that many of the youth I was supporting were abandoned, most without means of contact. This also impacted me financially as I would not be paid as previously scheduled. On top of that, I’m a father in a co-parenting dynamic, so having the complex of feeling like I wasn’t able to protect my own children, due to mandatory isolations, including my oldest child who lives in Montreal, all of this combined was extremely frustrating. The pandemic took a lot of people over the edge and I was getting close. I also had a family member who struggled with mental health and who unfortunately, completed sucicide during the pandemic and due to isolation and the restriction of travel to other provinces, I had to watch her funeral service online, it was devastating and very disempowering. My grandmother got covid and had to spend her time in the hospital alone with no family support, I really thought she wasn’t coming back but by the grace of God, she was one of the lucky ones. On top of that, I had my youngest daughter full time, which led me to feel overwhelmed in helping her adapt to virtual learning while juggling my work responsibilities and mental health simultaneously. The combination of all these experiences was a rude awakening into the knowledge of what was deemed as essential, and the realization that my field of practice was not really part of that equation.
Wisdom is the quality of having knowledge and good judgment obtained through experience. Coming from a Hip-Hop cultural background, creating something out of nothing and finding clever ways to finesse obstacles are vital components to the lifestyle. This mindset came in handy. During this process of diving deep into my wisdom, the pandemic provided me with a lot of time for rest, reflection and healing; something I never really alloted myself to do sincerely, since I’m always on the go and allocating a lot of my time and energy to be of service to others. All of the emotions I was experiencing had to go somewhere, energy needs to move otherwise it becomes stagnant and I felt myself moving in that direction. It was at this moment I began expressing myself more publicly online, building connection and community through authenticity and vulnerability. Really putting myself out there in a way I’ve never done before. I began with Facebook and IG posts about my experiences, which later gained the attention of like minded individuals, to co-facilitate several “live podcasts,” to the point I started creating a few of my own. Protests and activism within the Black community still continued despite the pandemic and I was right there in the mix using my new outlets to bring awareness. Sharing aspects of myself also brought more awareness to areas of my life that needed improvement, especially where health is concerned. After a 20+ year relationship with smoking Cannabis, on April 6, 2021, I decided to quit smoking, something I never thought I’d be able to do. Being able to connect with people on deeper intimate levels virtually, through my experiences and the experiences of others by way of vulnerability and authenticity, proved to be very healing as it sparked new endeavors and inspiration that I wouldn’t have created otherwise. This new energy translated into my youth work and family dynamics as well. I practiced more mindfulness and compassion with family and began facilitating more virtual learnings for students, focusing on emotional intelligence, health awareness, nutrition and I even created a weekly mental health LIVE check-in called “ You Good Fam?” on our IG page, which gained a lot internations participation from Jamaica, The USA, Ghana, South Africa, Germany and across Canada. This really solidified that our similarities, strongly outweigh our differences. Through the combination of knowledge and wisdom, I gained deeper understanding.
Understanding is a vibration of love and compassion, something that we need not only for each other but for ourselves as well. Besides taking my health more seriously, this has been my biggest take away from the pandemic. In the words of the Honorable Malcolm X
“ Ignorance of each other is what has made unity impossible in the past. Therefore we need enlightenment. We need more light about each other. Light creates love, love creates patience, and patience creates unity. Once we have more knowledge (light) about each other, we will stop condemning each other and a unified front will be brought about”
Neil “Logik” Donaldson
