They say a picture is worth a thousand words and that the eyes are the window to the soul. So, depending on who the onlooker is those words are different. The soul holds millions of memories, ranging from happiness, sadness, joys, sorrows, gratitude and anguish. All of these moments are wrapped up in one soul being experienced differently in the same room by different eyes.
My name means smile so that’s what I do whenever I meet someone new because a smile is considered a form of charity. You never know the pain a person is experiencing so I want to be able to bring a small joy into peoples lives even if it’s just for a few seconds. You might not be able to tell but I’ve been suffering with depression for the larger portion of my life. I suffered in silence throughout my teenage years because in my culture you’re often seen as ungrateful if you speak up about the hard feelings you’re experiencing. So, I struggled by myself hoping the feelings would go away but they never did. When I moved out of my parent’s house, I decided to get help and I was formally diagnosed with depression in 2010. Unfortunately, the side effects of the medication were making me feel worse and so I decided that I would continue to deal with these feelings on my own. I also have ADHD and so I struggled with self doubt, self blame and lack of executive function. I blamed myself for years because I couldn’t keep up with my peers and I felt like a loser that couldn’t accomplish what others could. Years went on and I experienced traumatic events without the tools to deal with them, leading me to spiral and hit rock bottom. That’s when I reached out and asked for help. I was fortunate enough to find an incredible therapist who helped me identify my triggers and helped me work through the pain I’ve been letting consume me throughout my life. She taught me that the most valuable love I could ever receive is the love I give to myself and that turned my life around. With weekly therapy sessions and a proper medication regimen I am now able to help myself on this journey to becoming the best version of me.
I want everyone who struggles with depression to know that they are not alone and that through trial and error you will be able to find what works best for you. Please don’t ever give up on yourself because you are loved, and you are worth the extra effort.
-Ebtisam Sharifabow