Healing Through Compassion
My first recollection of struggling with my mental health was my final year of high school. During the year that I should have felt my highest, I experienced some of my lowest moments. For the first time in my life, seeking academic validation was not enough to silence the world that existed beyond school. I was confronted with the harsh realities of my inadequacies, a lack of belonging, and a desperate desire to escape the expectations and responsibilities that were so readily thrust upon me. This discovery was not without its challenges, and little did I know that the journey ahead would be filled with even greater highs and greater lows.
As a young adult, I had to navigate the sudden loss of my maternal grandparents and seek stability in a world that seemed determined to keep me unsteady. I had to come to terms with the fact that my fixation with perfection was deeply rooted in a belief that being perfect was the only way to be deserving of love. For years, I sacrificed my own happiness and pushed my limits in order to satisfy the needs of others. I became the person people wanted me to be, instead of the person I needed to be for myself. I believed that if I maintained this facade, that eventually I would reach the pinnacle of happiness that appeared to be everywhere around me, but always beyond my reach.
Eventually, I realized that I was not alone in my experiences. The very people I envied were fighting silent battles of their own. In truth, we are all fighting our own battles; whether that be breaking generational curses or striving towards self-love. I realized that in the moments that I felt the most inadequate, that my best was good enough. No matter how difficult life got, no matter how uncertain the future felt, I always made it through. So, today I recognize my limitations and I move forward with the support of those who accept me as I am and the excitement of discovering who I will become.
- Sophia Tracey